First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a baby, and then… heartbreak? A story, lessons, and how to get over your ex in 3 easy steps. It may be hard to start the process but trust me. It gets easier once you do. 

A Story

Something happened along the way. What used to be happy was sad.

The shrill of the telephone pierced the silence in our bedroom. My heart began to race because phone calls during the wee hours of the night could only mean one thing- someone was either hurt or dead. The clock on the nightstand read 3:32 am. My husband lay sleeping peacefully. Not even a ringing phone could wake him once he was asleep. I reached over him, took the phone from the receiver, and answered.

“Hello?” There was no response from the other end.

“Hello?” I said again.

The line disconnected.

“Well, that was odd,” I thought. I rolled over and tried to go back to sleep. But an uneasiness was stirring in the deepest recesses of my soul. I knew that something was off in our relationship. If I was honest, the distance between us had grown ever since I announced I was returning to school. My husband interrupted my thoughts as he began to stir in his sleep. He got up and went to the bathroom just as sleep overtook me.

When I Got Up With The Baby

My son’s cries awoke me an hour later. I lay there a few moments before getting up to get his bottle. Trudging across the cold tile barefoot, I tried not to wake my husband because he’d be getting up for PT in an hour. My husband wasn’t there when I returned to bed with Jr in tow. He wasn’t downstairs either. A glance outside confirmed what I already knew. The car was gone. The phone call was no mistake. It was an invitation.

My Husband Crossed That One Clear Line

I didn’t have many boundaries back then, but I drew a clear line with cheating. It was something that I wasn’t going to endure. He was my first love and my first real heartbreak. I would spend the next 20 years putting back the pieces of my broken heart. Not only had he broken my heart, but his actions had also pierced a piece of my soul.

Something happened along the way

And yesterday was all we had…

Getting over a breakup can feel like grieving a death. You are grieving several endings. The end of the trust. End of the relationship. The end of the life you dreamed of having together. Heartbreak is as certain as death. No one will get through this life without experiencing it. There is no way around it, but read on for a few tips to get through it.

A story with tips for how to get over your ex in 3 easy steps.How To Get Over Your Ex in 3 Easy Steps 

Fill Your Love Cup

It is so easy to lose ourselves in relationships. We are so focused on our mates and children that we often forget to give ourselves the love we so freely pour out for others. After the end of a relationship, it is normal to think that something is wrong with us. Many times we take on sole responsibility, but the reality is that relationships end for many reasons. No one person is ever totally to blame. 

Step one of getting over your ex is all about loving you. Devote the first few days or weeks to doing more things that make you feel good about yourself. That could mean sleeping in on the weekends, spending time meditating before getting your day started, or spending time with your girlfriends. Before you enter the next relationship, regularly incorporate these activities into your routine so you don’t lose yourself.

Feel Your Feelings

Acknowledging and sitting with your feelings is the hardest part of this process. Difficult emotions are uncomfortable for many people. Thinking of your feelings as indicators or symptoms makes it easier to process them. Our emotions are useful indicators of unhealed trauma or lessons that must be revealed. Instead of packing away your feelings after a breakup, take some time to sit with them. Feel how you feel in the moment—sad, disappointed, or hurt. All of these feelings are completely normal. 

Take some time to understand why you feel the way you do. 

Are you taking responsibility for things that aren’t your fault? Release that burden. You are only responsible for your actions or inactions. Are you feeling disappointed because you stayed in the situation longer than you should have? Free yourself of this blame and understand there is no shame or blame in looking for the best in your mate. When you enter your next relationship, honor your feelings as they come because they are always valid. Recurring feelings may be an indication that something is off in the relationship. Carefully consider your options and make the best decision for you.

Find The Lessons

After you have gotten into the practice of filling your love cup and honoring your feelings, it is time to find the lessons. Focusing time on considering what your ex could or should have done differently is an exercise in futility. After the love is gone, it is time to regain your power and position yourself to succeed in future relationships. Maybe the lesson is to trust your intuition that something is wrong and create a space for an honest conversation with your mate. Or maybe the lesson is that your “type” isn’t relationship material. Whatever the lesson, remember that love is always an open-book test. If we pay attention, the answers are always within our reach.

I know this title is ‘How To Get Over Your Ex In 3 Easy Steps,’ but I don’t want to make it seem like it starts or even ends easily. What I will say is that it gets easier once you start focusing on these steps.

Have you experienced a breakup? What steps would you add to this list?

Use these self-love affirmations as a part of your “Not Gon Cry” bingo. It may be a game board, but the actions are worth it for your healing journey. 

-lyrics from After the Love is Gone- Earth, Wind & Fire