I no longer need to wonder why I experienced the things I have in my life. It has been made clear to me by this point. I have experienced love, hurt, pain, loss, solitude, reflection, blame, growth, healing, and now joy. I’ve had the opportunity to share with and relate with other women in various stages of similar situations. It is evident in the work that God has done in my life. From healing my heart to learning how to let my husband lead and embracing the joy that comes from that.
Widows and Orphans
Throughout the Bible, particular attention is paid to widows and orphans. Historically, those groups were marginalized and at the highest risk of being unable to survive on their own. From places in the Old Testament like Isaiah 1:17, Psalm 146:9, and Exodus 22:22 to scriptures in the New Testament like James 1:27 and 1 Timothy 5:3, to name a few, the Bible tells us continually to be mindful and look out for and advocate for widows and orphans.
One time it was mentioned to me that in this day and age, single mothers and their children are modern-day widows and orphans. I was a single mother then, and this statement offended me. I was working and providing for my son. It wasn’t easy, but we were surviving, so I disregarded this idea. It would be many years before I revisited it from a different vantage point.
Learning How To Let My Husband Lead
When I got married to my incredible husband, a necessary series of paradigm shifts began. I knew I would need to step back from my “I do it all myself” mentality. I also knew it would take some work to incorporate the biblical principle of relational submission into my marriage as a female with an alpha personality. I honestly can’t say that knowing all of that made the transition the least bit easier. I thank God that my husband was in a place of maturity in his spiritual walk. The level of patience he exercised with me surpassed the patience I exercised with myself at times. His patience was the reason I was able to learn how to let my husband lead in our marriage. His patience plus God, to be exact.
Letting My Husband Lead Wasn’t Easy
We both had to realize that some of the things I did came from a place of habit and second nature, not disregard or disrespect. Then I had to get very intentional about changing. For example, it was so simple to receive a call from my sons’ teacher during the day, make a decision on the spot, conclude the matter, and go about my day. Then when my husband and I came together at the end of the day for a debrief about our day, I would mention the call from the school.
I didn’t think about him having the opportunity to weigh in on it. So, we would argue because he would feel disregarded, which he was, even though I didn’t see it like that then. To me, it wasn’t a big deal. I felt he was overreacting and should appreciate my effort to not add to his plate and burden him while at work. Situations like that required me to learn if a matter requires an immediate answer. Can this teacher wait for a response after I’ve had time to contact my husband to discuss this? Most situations can. If not, it’s great that I married a reasonable man; I can explain what happened later.
At this point, we are years in. I understand my husband’s position on most matters, including with the school, utility companies, and other family affairs we regularly handle. I’ve learned that putting every matter on hold for him is not always necessary. Time and experience have brought us to where we are now. We are on the same page when it comes to our life together as a family.
What Becoming Foster Parents Taught Me
God has blessed us through our marriage by calling us to become foster parents. By becoming a foster parent, I was confronted with and able to revisit the idea that single mothers and their children are modern-day widows and orphans. I now understand the sentiment. If you welcome the design of males as protection and provision in the house, then that role is largely lacking in a single-mother household, and that is what the mother has to expand to become. This is another area the Bible encourages us to look out for with those two groups as well. There is a correlation, and hindsight being 20/20, I realized I could decrease my role in those two areas once I got married.
Provision and Protection
My husband is an amazing provider. I had to recognize that providing went beyond financial support. There is not an area where I cannot lean on my husband to provide some support for me. He is not perfect, but he serves a perfect God who is his source. He is also our protector, so I knew I could decrease my role as a protector. It was hard for me and I made sure everyone around me knew it. But now, I enjoy experiencing my femininity as I have never before. And I thank my husband for that. We were years into our marriage before I truly recognized that and felt comfortable acknowledging there were things I hadn’t explored at this big age to know if I had certain interests, likes, etc. And it felt wonderful being able to do so as a cared-for and protected woman.
Marriage Is Work!
There are still things I am working on daily to become the best possible wife to my husband. Transitioning from being a single mother to a wife was probably a more challenging route than if we were two single adults without children who decided to marry. But I know there is nothing too hard for God, and this wouldn’t have been possible without him! Marrying my husband has been the most rewarding experience of my life. I am grateful to God for bringing us together, even on the bad days.
It took what seemed like a long time for God to send me the husband I was praying for. I encourage anyone reading this to trust God’s timing because it is perfect! I spent years making myself miserable due to my impatience. In hindsight, those years were necessary for God to craft a beautiful union that honors Him and brings Him glory while providing peace, joy, and a safe space for both of us. My prayer is for you, dear reader, to wait gracefully while God works and prepares everything for your good as well!
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