A Single Mom’s Journey to Self-Worth After Heartbreak

The heartache you feel watching someone you love become someone you don’t know is almost impossible to describe. Perhaps the best word to express how I felt is disappointment—disappointed that the man I loved couldn’t love me back. Maybe he did, but he didn’t love only me, so not sure how much that counts. Disappointed that the father of my children didn’t live up to his full potential. I was disappointed that the person who should have been protecting me was hurting me the most. But through that feeling began to find self-worth.

Things with my children’s father were far from perfect, but there’s no such thing as a perfect relationship. We dated in high school and became parents soon after graduating. We welcomed a beautiful baby girl into our family—my first child, his second. Things progressed pretty quickly from there. The next thing I knew, we dropped out of college, moved in together, and expanded our family with two more children. Our relationship spanned almost a decade. But I couldn’t remember a time when he was faithful. I always found evidence—a phone number or a text message. Or even a witness—his friends were confiding in me. I told myself that we were young, and infidelity was something he just needed to get out of his system. That excuse worked for a while. I believed it. One day, he would outgrow cheating. 

I Learned to Find Self-Worth

Then I woke up. I learned my worth after a huge argument. I can’t even remember what or possibly who the fight was about, but I remember the look on my children’s faces once it was over.  I never wanted to be that parent who argues in front of their children, but it happened. The argument got so bad that my son got his plastic bat and put on his ninja turtle costume after his dad left and said he had to protect me. 

Up until then, I accepted disrespect. Time after time, I took my children’s father back. I longed for us to be a family. Sleeping alone felt unbearable, and the makeup gifts often softened the pain. At the same time, I understood that everything wasn’t solely his fault. Maybe I didn’t show enough affection or prove my love. So in my mind, my staying was me doing these things. He never raised his hand and hit me, but the verbal jabs cut deep. I was never scared of his actions. But I was always in a defensive mode. I believed he wanted to keep having children. According to him, I would gain weight and never attract another man. I refused to take it anymore and made it clear that our relationship was over. That argument solidified in my mind my worth and what I would no longer accept. 

Strength & Coming Together

As horrible as these things were, the experience made me the strong person I am today. Over the years, I juggled jobs and asked others for help. After countless conversations with my grandmother, I learned to demand respect, not by fighting but by ignoring my child’s father. I refused to argue, and he couldn’t argue by himself! One day, thank God, my grandmother’s advice worked. My children’s father and I began to respect one another. He’s now supportive and appreciative. 

He even thanked me for always being there for him and our children. We realized we were not each other’s enemies. We are on the same team when it comes to parenting. He now keeps the kids on the weekend and helps financially when he can. He even apologized for all the heartache and pain he had caused me over the years. More importantly, I forgave him. 

I discovered that even the strongest women experience weak moments. But perhaps, in these moments, you find your strength. You find the courage to no longer be bitter. The compassion to forgive, even if you never forget. You find the power to transform negative energy into something positive, like loving your children.

Three great things came from my painful past—my three children. They witnessed my pain and even dried a few tears when no one else was around.  I still have times when I am extremely overwhelmed and stressed. But I wake up every day more loving, more forgiving than the day before. I learned my worth, and my children are worth it too.