Shortly after I became a single mom, I traveled to Washington, D.C., on business. After a long day of meetings, I met up with my favorite cousin at a trendy happy hour. As soon as we walked through the door, someone offered to buy a round of drinks, and while I was still sipping on my mojito, a Darrin Henson lookalike asked to refill my glass. I smiled and wondered, “is he the one?” But based on experience, I know not everyone you meet is your husband. But perhaps. Ultimately, I turned down the offer, remembering my early morning meeting the next day. And although I was single, I had no intentions of meeting men that night. I was still healing from the heartbreak of breaking up with my daughter’s dad. Funny how when you don’t look, someone falls in your lap.
Did I Just Meet My Husband?
A few words turned into a compelling conversation. We instantly connected, laughed like we were reunited childhood friends, and made plans to keep in touch. His endless compliments made me blush. I gave him my number, and we went our separate ways. When I saw “Darrin” again, his friend told me I might be “the one.” He never heard “Darrin” talk about a woman the way he talked about me. “Darrin” then told me that he wished he met me in perhaps a bookstore. I smiled and told him, I’m the same person if you meet me in a nightclub, a grocery store, or a church. When I left, he walked me outside and offered to call off work to take me to lunch. I declined since I was on a business trip and had to work. He hugged me goodbye and said he looked forward to seeing me soon. I said the same. He was a great guy on paper–confident, educated, and career driven. He made me smile and made me comfortable in the short time we spent together. Plus, he was extremely attractive!
But Then He Never Called
Not Every You Meet Is Your Husband
At first, I thought maybe he was married or in a relationship. Maybe, the alcohol in his glass did the talking that night. I later realized that I called my phone from his, but I didn’t have a missed call. How did that happen? I was always a bit technologically challenged, but I couldn’t believe I didn’t pay attention when I “gave” him my number. Why didn’t we save it in his contacts? So for the next two days, I kicked myself. Did I just give my match the wrong number? Did I end something before it even began?
That week, I was reminded that not everyone you meet is your husband. Even though this was a chance encounter, I somehow felt down about it. But then I did five things to uplift my spirits.
Continue to Trust in God
God created the world in six days. He can send you a husband in the blink of an eye. When you seek Him, everything else will fall into place. When it doesn’t, it makes you wiser and stronger. Singleness drew me closer to God. I learned to depend on Him as my Source, not my job, not my child support check, and not even my family and friends. I trusted God to be my protector and provider. My daughter and I were happy, healthy, safe, and well taken care of.
Practice Patience When Thinking About Meeting Your Husband
Would you rather wait a year to meet the man of your dreams or rush down the aisle to marry a wolf in sheep’s clothing that you met and thought was your husband? Pull the plug of your biological clock out of the wall. It’s OK to hit the snooze button on getting engaged or expanding your family. Sometimes I want to skip all the steps and get to the altar. But I’m learning that the beauty of relationships is getting to know someone one day at a time. The flutter of your heart and butterflies in your stomach. The excitement when your text notification dings. The time and attention you spend planning and getting ready for dates. When you rush, you may end up with a frog instead of a prince. At times, I’ve compromised my non-negotiables. Overlooked irritations and ignored red flags all because of impatience. Meditating, journaling, and walking have helped me take my time in not just relationships but all aspects of my life. Plus, it’s OK to be a bridesmaid while you’re waiting your turn to walk down the aisle.
Dodge a Big Bullet
Maybe misdialing my number prevented heartache and pain in my future. “Darrin” could be deranged, a deadbeat dad, or a dog. Maybe, Maybe not, but sometimes you meet someone for a reason or a season, not necessarily a lifetime. At the time, when I was a newly single mom who went through a devastating breakup, meeting “Darrin” gave me the self-esteem boost I needed. The compliments reminded me that I still “got it.” I remembered that there’s more than one fish in the sea. Sounds cliche, but it’s true. In the moment of a breakup, it feels like there are no more men left on the planet. Once you push past the pain, your sight becomes more clear. You see that there are other options, one of which is even being by yourself and learning to love yourself along your healing journey.
Tell Yourself, “If it’s meant to be, it will be” – You Will Meet Your Husband
Some things are out of your control. If “Darrin” and I were meant to go on a date, I’m sure we would have crossed paths again. The same goes for any guy that I’ve dated. I remember reminiscing about a guy I dated in college. I wasn’t ready to settle down at the time, so I didn’t give him much time and attention. When I see his social media posts, and pictures of a loving husband, doting father, and successful businessman, I wondered if that could have been my husband and my life on his Facebook feed. Then I remembered that life unfolded exactly how it was supposed to be. That I was exactly where I needed to be. Don’t live in the past. Be present! Enjoy the moment and create more memories.
Enjoy Life
I love my life. I don’t think I’ll love it more with a mate. A man compliments me, not completes me. Don’t get me wrong. I am very pro-marriage. But I’m also very pro being happy in the meantime until you get your happy ending. And sometimes your happy ending doesn’t include a wedding ring. I am whole and healed. I don’t feel like something is missing from my life, however, I am able to expand.
Hey mamas, have you ever met someone and immediately thought you met your husband? Have you ever thought about how things could have been with that one acquaintance or ex that you thought was a nice match for you? Is there anything wrong with “looking” for a husband, or should you just relax and let things fall into place?
