Growing up, if you had told me I would become a single mom, I would have called you a liar. I was raised in a two-parent household, so it only made sense to me that I would raise my future children under the same circumstances. However, when I became a single mom at age 20, I didn’t receive an engagement ring.
Suffering in Silence
It was quite the opposite–my daughter’s dad ended the relationship. I fell into a deep depression, and my self-esteem sank. I suffered in silence. Then, finally, I confided in my grandmother. She was the only one who heard my cries and listened to my sob stories.
The person I couldn’t let see my tears was my daughter. And I couldn’t handle living at home with my parents and relying on them to help. But I didn’t have much of a choice. Soon,
One day, I hit an all-time low at work and vented to a customer. Before she left, she asked for my number. Two days later, I got a call from the local hospital saying that they received my job application! I could only thank God for putting that lady in my life. Three months into my new job, I could move out of my parents’ house into my own apartment. All I had was my daughter, a bed, clothes, and toys—nothing else. I didn’t care because it was ours!
Coming Into My Own
A year later, my happiness returned. My daughter and I fell into a nice routine. Then, my daughter’s dad found out I had my own place, and he wanted his family back. Part of me felt the same way, because I no longer wanted to raise our daughter alone. I hoped she could experience the kind of love I grew up with—a stable, two-parent household.The fantasy lasted for two days before it was over. But I couldn’t put my happiness on hold.
Now, I’m years into being a mommy, and I enjoy every moment, both the good and the bad. I still get upset at my daughter’s father when there are father-daughter events at school, and she has to call grandfather to attend. But I can’t dwell on her father’s actions and why he isn’t around. I have a little girl who looks up to me, and I can’t let her down. My biggest goal in life is for my daughter to find herself and love herself, something I learned to do after letting go of the hurt from her father leaving us. I’ve learned to pray and ask God for the strength to never go backward in anything, including with her dad. I’ve also learned it’s okay to cry–it doesn’t make you a weak woman. I get tired and overwhelmed and let out a good cry, but I always wipe those tears away and return to enjoying life. A life I never expected. But a life filled with love and happiness.
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