My son’s father and I have been separated for several years. We have been able to put our feelings about each other aside for our son, and our relationship has transformed to the point that we can be considered friends. We’re now choosing forgiveness as a parent. But it was a long road to get here.
Becoming a Family
When I was a junior in college, having a baby was the last thing on my mind. But here I was, pregnant and terrified that I would become another statistic. There was no way I would drop out of school, and my son’s father assured me that we would do whatever we had to to ensure I graduated. I was facing one of the most challenging decisions of my life, but I chose to trust him. We decided I would stay at school while my son’s father, who had just finished obtaining his master’s degree, would look after our baby.
Coming Undone
Shortly after my graduation, when I thought it was time for us to build as a family, I instead found myself heartbroken and confused. My son’s father announced he no longer wanted to be in a relationship. I had no idea what I had done wrong or why he decided to leave.
Does this mean I have to do this alone? Will our son grow up without both parents active in his life? These were some of the initial questions I asked. I felt he owed me an explanation, but I never got one. I thought we had made it through what would be our most challenging time. Instead, it became even more difficult–our relationship was ending. Not knowing the reason why he decided to leave is what made forgiving him so hard. I struggled to let him go, but I managed to hide my feelings so we could continue to parent our child.
Choosing Forgiveness as a Parent
Since then, my son’s father has proven that he can and will be a support in our lives, and I no longer have my initial concerns. Many people have questioned how we can co-parent and get along so well. I always make it very clear that it took work to do so initially. Then, I began to forgive him. Forgiving him did not mean I was letting him off the hook. It meant I was done trying to figure out the why. It meant I realized I had to do what was best for my child and put our son’s needs first. Through forgiveness, I realized that fathers are just as important as mothers in their children’s lives. And as a result of all this, I also grew as a mother.
I encourage all mothers to allow their children to motivate them to find forgiveness in their hearts. Sometimes, we put our dreams on hold, and how we plan our lives completely changes, but you can do it. Forgiving benefitted not only our son but also his parents.
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