A few years ago, I returned to the nest. After spreading my wings and flying from place to place, I landed back in my hometown, more specifically, I moved back home to with my parents. It was a tough trip. Growing up, I never imagined that I would live with my parents when I celebrated my 40th birthday. But there I was, blowing out my cake’s candles and raising my little girl under the roof where I was raised.
So, Why Did I Go Back?
I did it for my daughter. Because when it came to planting my roots, I moved around a lot. In fact, over the course of adulthood, I uprooted at least five times. I lived in a big city and a small town; on the beach and alongside a canal; down the street from a shopping center and a block away from a horse farm. Working as a television reporter took me across the country and overseas. Then, my travels came to a halt when I got pregnant while living in Washington, DC. After my boyfriend and I broke up, I moved back home to Pittsburgh. In the beginning, I lived with my sister and my nephews. And I later move in with my parents.
I wanted to heal from heartache and raise my daughter near my family—my very big family.
My maternal grandparents were married for 65 years and welcomed 15 children into their home. So, there was a lot love, laughter and people. During this time, I learned a lot.
Things I Learned When I Moved Back Home With My Parents
The Unknown is OK
I lived with my sister for about a year. During that time, I signed up for government assistance, which allowed me to stretch out the time I was a stay-at-home mom. I also stretched out my savings, since I received WIC and food stamps. When I went back to work, I moved into an apartment within walking distance of a playground, duck pond and an ice cream shop.
When I could no longer afford a two bedroom, because my car died, I downsized and moved across the hall into a one bedroom. A couple of years later, I moved in with my parents. I didn’t know if I would ever buy a house or get on my feet financially.
Hindsight, the unknown was OK. The less I knew the more I dependent on God. I couldn’t see the future, but trusted in Him that everything would be OK, that it would get greater later. I’m no longer anxious about the unknown. I know that everything will eventually work itself out.
Short Term Sacrifices Yield Long-Term Rewards
When I moved in with my parents, I put most of my belongings in storage. I learned to live a more minimalist lifestyle and bought only what I needed. When I first became a mom, I had to charge a lot–I was still paying off a $3,000 childcare bill! I was drowning in student loan and credit card debt. A major sacrifice was needed to dig myself out of the hole.
I made a spreadsheet of everything I owed and created a plan to pay it all off. I also called my credit card companies and negotiated lower interest rates. It took a couple of years, but I now have zero balances. I later paid off my car, which I may drive til the wheels fall off!
Although I would love to upgrade my ride, I enjoy not having a monthly payment. And for the first time in my life, I actually have a saving account (that I don’t touch!) Although I missed out on some splurges over the years–I travelled less, rarely went to the hair salon or never went to the spa, and didn’t dine out often, I set myself up for financial success and improved my credit score.
Sit Down, Be Humble
In the wise words of Kendrick Lamar, sit down and be humble! Adjusting to living with my parents was a bit more work than trusting God saving money. I had to learn to bite bite my tongue. I was in my parents’ house, and I had to respect their rules and belongings. Fortunately for me, they didn’t set many rules. I actually wondered who these people were and what they did with my parents. Richard and Malvane as Pap Pap and Grammy are different from Richard and Malvane as mom and dad.
Grandparents Will Humble You
I put up with their grandparent prerogatives, like serving soda pop at dinner, brining home Happy meals and buying toys every time they went to the store. Since my mother and I are a lot alike, we often clash. I learned to kindly disagree, know my place and accept criticism. appreciated their generosity and expressed gratitude. Now that I’m in my own place, I am more compassionate to other single moms going through a tough time. I’ve learned to not place a high value on material things and embrace the everyday blessings in life.
I’m still not where I want to be. I’m a renter not a home owner.
But because I learned these life lessons when I moved back home with my parents. I no longer feel like I’m in limbo. I am enjoying the journey and carving out my own individual path instead of trying to live up to one of society’s standards.
